I’ve struggled with the diagnosis of primary lymphedema before… What caused this to happen to me?! Was it an exercise I was doing? The way that I was sitting? Standing? Walking? The amount of any of those actions?
The day before my 31st birthday, when my orthopedist prescribed the “no exercise” and anti-inflammatory steroid, I stopped going to my favorite exercise-oriented ballet/pilates class: Bar Method.
In my mind, though there is no science to backup this fact, any repetitive activity that I did, food that I ate regularly, or action that I did often, caused this condition… it would be so much easier to say that to myself. Shun that activity, food, action - whatever… or say, “Ok, I did that. I had fun, but now I have to deal with this.” But, instead I find myself questioning my actions, fearing my past life, and wondering what I did wrong.
No, I haven’t returned to Bar Method. I used to go to class five days a week. I loved class. I wrote about it often on my personal website, and equated it (in its emphasis on form) to golf… my relationship to Bar Method was something that few could understand and articulate… I’m sure there are both positive and negative interpretations.
With the limited time that I now have managing my health and condition, I find myself lacking in an extra hour to take a class (that hour is currently being eaten up with pneumatic compression). But, that’s a half-hearted excuse. I think about the bodily contortions in pretzel, crunches, flat back, anything related to thigh or seat… if I went back, am I only perpetuating the problems that I already have with my lymph nodes?
Who knows…? Currently, no one.